The Freedom to "Try"

When I feel like an Imposter

I feel the terrible tension

- this burden to write 

with the overwhelming 

awareness of the question,

"Who am I?" 

But if God gives me the talents,

They aren't mine to hide.

If God writes my story,

My withholding it is pride.

The most self-forgetful thing

I can do is to try.

Without fear 

Of failing or succeeding

In human terms. 

By writing and showing

And posting these words,

I am trusting a sovereign God 

With the sovereign outcomes. 

Whether my words are read

By none or one 

Or by one thousand.

If they are from Him

and for Him,

I humbly lay them down 

before Him. 

A fragrant offering.

These words, 

the stories of our lives - 

Yours and mine - 

Have divine value

When they are offered

Back to the God

Who gave them to us. 

“Offerings”

6.9.23

Last month, I finally added the title “Poet” to my business card. I typed and deleted it twice. I have felt the confidence to say I write poetic prayers and poetry for a while, but only recently could I stomach the title. Some of this is appropriate humility, but most is self-focused fear. How can I compare myself with this title to the far greater poets of history or the modern day? Who do I think I am? What will you, the reader, think of me?

“...The essence of gospel-humility is not thinking more of myself or thinking less of myself, it is thinking of myself less.”
― Timothy Keller, The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness

Ironically, this appearance of humility is actually pride. God has given me the opportunity, desire, and gifting to write poetry. Writing poetry is helpful devotional work to me. When I stumble over my fears of your perception of me, I’m thinking about myself. And ultimately, I’m saying to God, “I don’t think you made a good plan. You haven’t equipped me enough. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

I’m not saying every Christian should be a poet. And I hope that my poetry and writing are good and helpful. I want to compose good work that points you, the reader, to Jesus. I want to improve and refine my skills.

But if I wait for perfection before I use a talent God has given me, I will wait forever. If I wait until I am perfectly competent before I start an artistic endeavor, I’ll never start. If I wait to share my testimony until it has a perfect ending and every problem is neatly tied up, it will have to be engraved on my tombstone.

God has equipped every Christian with passions, gifts, circumstances, and stories to bring Him glory. If God is the author of our stories, they aren’t ours to keep. If God has equipped us with gifts and talents, they aren’t ours to bury in the sand.

I am FREE from fear. I am FREE from comparison. I am FREE from pride to write and share creative work.

And I am also FREE from the outcomes of both human failure and human success.

If I am faithfully using the gifts God has given me, it is with humble and open hands. If a work is “successful” according to human standards, praise God. And if it bombs miserably according to human standards, praise God. Neither outcome puffs me up or deflates me because the work has never been about me in the first place.

¹⁴ “For it will be like a man going on a journey, who called his servants and entrusted to them his property. ¹⁵ To one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. ¹⁶ He who had received the five talents went at once and traded with them, and he made five talents more. ¹⁷ So also he who had the two talents made two talents more. ¹⁸ But he who had received the one talent went and dug in the ground and hid his master's money. ¹⁹ Now after a long time the master of those servants came and settled accounts with them. ²⁰ And he who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five talents more, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me five talents; here, I have made five talents more.’ ²¹ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ ²² And he also who had the two talents came forward, saying, ‘Master, you delivered to me two talents; here, I have made two talents more.’ ²³ His master said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master.’ ²⁴ He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, ²⁵ so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here, you have what is yours.’ ²⁶ But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? ²⁷ Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest. ²⁸ So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. ²⁹ For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. ³⁰ And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

Matthew 25:14-30,‬ ‭ESV‬‬